#65: Have an Intervention for Someone

Completed

January 23, 2013

So my family turned the table on me and held an intervention for me. My problem? Online shopping. Here are their letters: 

Dear Jacqueline: 

It has come to my attention the amount of spending you have been doing, both online and here in PG. I recognize the level of stress you are under and wonder if you are addicted to shopping and use it as a stress release. Often I hear you say "I have no money" or I see that our credit line is again maxed out. You need to get a grasp on this! I am worried about you. You accuse me of bringing another Reitman's bag into the house...I see you drool, with that longing look in your eyes to buy something else. If you do not get a grasp on this behaviour, I will forward your name to shoppers anonymous. 

Love, Mom

Dear Jackie: 

I want you to know first how much I love you. Second, you need to know that you have a problem. Your online shopping habit is out of control. Almost daily we receive Puralator packages at the door, so much so that Ben (the Puralator Guy) is even starting to worry. I try to lie and cover up, saying that all of the packages aren't really just for you, but I just can't do it anymore. Everyone knows that this is an addiction and that you need to be stopped. If you are not willing to stop, we will soon cancel the internet at home. If you continue to shop at work, we will be letting HSJ know about your problem (although I am sure they are already aware by how often you come in wearing new outfits). I will also have to tweet Blake Shelton about your addition, which will ruin your chances with him forever. So, it is either Blake or online shopping. I hope you choose wisely. 

Love, Candice

Dear Jackie: 

First I want to tell you how much I love you. About this <------> much! Second, your shopping addiction is getting out of control. You need to stop before you turn our house into a Le Chateau outlet. I even hear that the Puralator Guy has been hitting on my wife - they spend so much time together. Do you want to see Candice leave me with the boys and run off with the Puraloator Guy? Is that what you want? Huh? I know, you are thinking I can't give it up...it's too hard. But you CAN do it! I too once was addicted to buying dress shirts and ties...and look what that's got me - a closet full of dress shirts and ties. I mean, sure I look astoundingly amazing...daringly dashing you might say, but it's not worth it. If you decide not to give up your online shopping habit, I will have to start charging your clothes and shoes rent. $1 per clothing item and $2 per pair of boots/shoes. I will also start going into your closet and secretly removing items...and we all know how much you hate not being able to find something you are looking for. It's time to stop. 

Love, Tony

Dear Auntie, 

You have a problem. I see all these packages coming to the door and none are for me. You better step up or I will no longer watch Disney DVDs with you. 

Love, Carter